“I want happy “ is what my son typed on his augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) device to respond to my question, when I asked him what he wanted. Me too bud, me too.

Have you ever met someone who doesn’t want to be happy? Well at least they don’t say it out loud. It’s interesting how universal this desire is and yet it remains elusive for many of us. I have spent a lot of time chasing the happy dream. This started to change when I learned that what I thought would make me happy was wrong. So many of us were never given permission to even explore options. Therefore, we keep going down a road that we don’t even know whether it will bring us to a happy place. Don’t be fooled, we are helped in these decisions by consumerism, fearful parents, and other well-intentioned people who also make decisions without questions.

How do we get happy? 

Good question. First understand being happy is very possible and it’s your job to find it. Do not expect anyone else to make you happy. I know you have heard this before and that’s because it is true. It’s not your partners, employers, kids or even friends’ job to make you happy. Romantic comedies are not real life and if you grew up with parents who blamed you for making them sad it’s time to hear this. It wasn’t your fault or responsibility. 

Yes, relationships bring joy but no one outside of you is responsible for your own happiness. Please know that this was an incredibly difficult lesson for me to learn.

If you’re not supposed to find your happiness in a relationship then where do you find it?

This is a different answer for everyone however I can give you a starting place. I bet if you were to look for any activities that you are currently involved in they would be attached to production or results. We need activities that create pleasure that I like to call ‘spiritual hobbies.’ Reach back in time and remember a time when you didn’t have all the responsibility that you now have… what did you like to do or learn about? Some examples are music, sports, and art. Take time to find out what you like, because you are worth the effort. I promise. 

—Kristina Dennis, life coach