I was downright hostile when asked if I have been experiencing stress during a recent medical appointment. On other occasions I have felt rage and even fury when given the direction to try to avoid stress. I think “how is avoiding stress even possible?” and have deemed it useless advise. My misguided, deep belief was that there was no way out, that I was a victim to permanent stressors and therefore there was nothing I could do combat stress. I have since learned tools to combat my stress.

Being reminded of my stress levels is uncomfortable, but helps me get right-sized.

Whenever I have a problem, my reaction is to seek knowledge. I picked up the book Burnout, the Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA to learn about stress. They write that stressors are not the same as the stress cycle. Learning the difference between stressors and the stress cycle is significant. Even when I am unable to remove a stressor I can still work through and finish the stress cycle. It is the cumulative, uncompleted stress cycles that make us sick and shorten our lives. The acknowledgement of what is stressing us can motivate us to take action and better our lives.

What’s the difference between stressors and the stress cycle? Stressors are challenging events such as people, places and things we can’t control and makes us feel negatively. The stress cycle is the neurological and physical response that occurs whenever we encounter a threat to our safety. Our autonomic nervous system sends us a message of fight or flight making it easier to complete the stress cycle. It’s a life saving mechanism that comes into play when we are in actual physical danger.

However, most of our modern stressors are not situations that allow us to complete the cycle. It wouldn’t be appropriate in todays’ world to throat punch a co-worker or run out of a meeting. Most of us rely on the the freeze and fawn response instead and therefore we do not complete the stress cycle, creating cumulative stress. It is not enough to just eliminate the stressor. We must complete the stress cycle. It’s important to have an arsenal of actions that will release the stress cycle in your body.

As this process tends to be physical in nature, exercise is a great way of completing the stress cycle. There are other ways besides just physical exercise. Here’s a list of stress reducing tools for you to add to your recovery tool box:

1. Exercise. Work out for twenty to sixty minutes per day, six days per week.

2. Breathe. Take slow deep breaths, breathe in to a count of five, hold for five, exhale for ten, and pause for five.

3. Get social. Engage in casual but friendly interaction and seek out other people to exchange in conversation.

4. Laughter. Have a big belly laugh! Even reminiscing about a time you had uncontrolled laughing will work.

5. Get emotional. Allow yourself to have a good cry. Maybe watch a movie that you know will bring tears.

6. Be creative. Allow yourself to get into a creative expression mode because it is a context that will allow big emotions to be tolerated.

Those of us in recovery learn that we are powerless over many things that can make it seem that we have no recourse against stressors. My hope is that you will start to see that we have to power to take actions that will combat stress. It is not enough to just tell ourselves that we are safe. We must complete the stress cycle too.

—Kristina Dennis, life coach

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